Some People Juggle Geese
by Sara47Q
Summary: Darcy gets drunk and wakes up in bed with Thor. And that's not even the strangest part.


So...I'm not sure I have an excuse for this. I wrote a Tony/Darcy where they got drunk and married in Vegas, and p0cketw0tch on Ao3 commented that Thor and Natasha are the only ones she hasn't drunk married...so this happened. It's pretty much crack, hopefully at least entertaining crack.

* * *

Darcy woke up with a groan. She wasn't sure where she was, she had gotten so drunk last night on elf-wine. Thor had gotten an invitation to a festival from his uncle, who ruled a world called Alfheim, home of real life elves, and it had included all of his new friends from Earth. It was like her best fantasy of Rivendell and Lothlorien come to life. With really good booze.

She was lying on a really comfy bed, on and covered by what seemed to be some sort of really soft animal skins. She was on her side, facing the wall of a tent, and was aware that someone was curled up behind her. There was a large, muscular arm around her middle holding her close. She wasn't very happy that she couldn't remember who she had gone to bed with, but that elf-wine was potent enough that even Thor and Steve were getting drunk. The festival was some sort of harvest/fertility festival, she wasn't exactly sure, except that there was lots of free-flowing alcohol, dancing, and beautiful people.

She realized whoever she was in bed was awake as well when the hand on her stomach started rubbing little circles, then big circles. When they started inching closer to her breasts, she decided she needed to face the music and find out who it was. She turned around and came face to face with a smiling Thor, who cupped her cheek and kissed her. She was so surprised, she just closed her eyes and enjoyed the kiss.

When it ended, she quietly took stock of the situation while Thor stroked her cheek with his thumb. They were in bed, naked, and the pleasant ache in her nether regions was a reminder that they must have had sex. She reached up to touch the crown of flowers in his hair, it looked like the daisy chains she used to make as a child, made out of the pretty purple flowers she'd been admiring last night. She reached up to her own head and sure enough, she was wearing one as well.

"Seems like we had a fun night, last night, huh?" she asked.

"Indeed, my lady-wife, it was a most enjoyable evening."  
"I'm sorry, Norse God says what?"

"What?"

She giggled. "I mean, did you just call me wife?"  
"Yes, do you not remember getting married last night?"  
She thought back. She remembered dancing with Tony, drinking, dancing with a hot elf whose name she didn't know, drinking, and had a vague recollection of sharing a drink with Thor. "Nope, no recollection of getting married. Maybe you can refresh my memory, big guy?"

"Yes! I would love to! There was much drinking and merriment. You made us both crowns of flowers, and shared a glass of elf-mead with me! In Alfheim, this is a symbol of our commitment and love! And to be married on such an auspicious occasion, it is a doubly blessed union!"

She flopped over on to her back and flung her arm over her face. "Oh, God. I do remember that! But I didn't know it was a marriage ceremony! We're just married on Alfheim, though, right? It's probably not legal on Earth."

"We are married by the rights of the Alfheim and it is an eternal marriage!"

She peeked over at Thor. He looked like she'd just kicked his puppy. "But how much of an eternal marriage can it be? I'm a mortal, you're a God….we've got about fifty years, and by then you'll be married to an old lady. That's not fair to you, Thor. Plus, we've never even been on a date! I mean, we're friends, yeah, but you used to date my boss! How is this even going to work?"

He moved her arm down and looked into her eyes. "Lady Darcy, we have spent much time in each other's company. I have slain monsters who have threatened your safety. I am sure that our marriage will be happy and fruitful. If it is the will of the All-Father, you will taste the sweet fruit of Idun's apples and spend eternity by my side. If it is not, I will gladly spend your mortal life with you."

Darcy wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. This was way too much information for first thing in the morning, although she was thankful that this magical wine she'd drank so much of the night before didn't seem to leave her with a hangover.

"What if we don't have any chemistry?"

"Chemistry? What is this chemistry?"

"Feelings, love, desire, passion! What if we aren't compatible and will just make each other miserable?"

"Do you not remember anything from last night? We spent many hours learning each other's bodies! I would say there is surely passion between us, wife."

She gave in and started to cry, pulling the covers up over her face so Thor wouldn't have to see it. She was an ugly crier. He pulled her to him, covers and all, and she had to admit, it was nice being in his arms.

"What can I say to ease your heart? For surely it is breaking mine to see you this way. I would do whatever it was within my power to do to keep you from shedding another tear."

She slowly pulled the blanket down and looked up at him. "I can't believe I can't remember my own wedding. And you're so sweet! And a prince! I'm a nobody and kind of a bitch! Your mother is going to hate me!"

He laughed. "My mother will love you. She has despaired of her first-born ever taking a wife and you have a spirit she will admire. And you have shown yourself to be my equal upon our first meeting, defeating me with a weapon that harnessed the element that I have domain over!"  
She felt a little better with all of his reassurances. "I don't even remember our wedding night!"

"Ah, this is also troubling you?" he slowly pulled the blanket down and off of her. "Would you like a reminder?"

She couldn't help it, she looked at his body as it was revealed by the blanket's removal. She glanced over at Mjolnir, and thought about the hammer being an apt description for his penis, then licked her lips and looked back into his smiling face. "Yeah, I think a refresher might help."


End file.
